


How Illuminating

by NightFeather



Category: Lizzie Bennet Diaries
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-04 10:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1775068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightFeather/pseuds/NightFeather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A different take on the Darcy letter reveal, set during/after LBD 102.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Illuminating

**Author's Note:**

> First LBD fic that I've posted, please be gentle! Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

_It was a warm, breezy night in early June when it all went down. I remember it clearly, it was a Friday night after dinner, and all of the windows were open to let the breeze into the condo. It was uncharacteristically warm for a June evening in San Francisco. We had ordered in from our favorite little bistro, pasta with grilled vegetables and gelato for dessert, as neither of us wanted to cook. Darcy was walking around the kitchen as he plated the food, tie taken off long before with his shirtsleeves rolled up and first button undone._

_I was sitting in the living room, setting up a movie for us to watch while we ate. It had become a Friday-night tradition of ours to order in and watch a mindless film so we could both relax and unwind from a long week of work. I was checking my email on my phone when he walked into the room holding two plates piled with our favorite meals._

_“Lizzie, phone down, you know there’s no working on Friday nights”_

_I glanced up and smiled, locking my phone, “You know, a year ago I would’ve questioned your identity had those words come out of your mouth”_

_Darcy chuckled and handed me my plate, setting his down on the coffee table as he sat down next to me on the couch; I did the same._

_“So, my Lizzie, what will we be watching this evening?” Darcy asked me as he began eating his food._

_“Oh, you know, just some documentary on the environmental concerns of fracking” I said as honestly as I could, staring down at my plate while pushing my food around with my fork._

_Out of the corner of my eye I saw Darcy’s hand fall from where it was holding his fork about to put a bite of food into his mouth,_

_“Are you serious?” He asked._

_I looked over and saw him staring at me, the infamous eyebrow cocked. If there were a film about fracking that existed, William would probably watch it, but he knew that I never would. Confused, not sure if I were joking or not, he looked at me with a look that I knew all too well. A look I would call one of desperation, as he was well aware that he still missed a few social cues and wasn’t sure whether or not this was one of them._

_I nudged him with my shoulder, “I’m just kidding- I’m making you watch Sleepless in Seattle instead”_

_Darcy visibly released a breath he had been holding, “Well, that movie is most definitely not as encouraging to the viewer to think critically about environmental issues but it is one that you love, therefore I shall try and love it too”_

_As long worded as it was, I loved his response and showed my affection by pecking him lightly on the lips before pressing play on the remote and leaning back into the crook of his shoulder and continuing my meal._

_***_

_Midway through the film as we began to see Annie fall in love with Sam despite already being engaged to another man, my mind began to wander off of the movie and onto another topic._

_“William?” I asked softly, as his gaze was remarkably well focused on the movie._

_“Hmm?” He replied, not drawing his gaze from the film._

_“Are there any major secrets that you’ve kept from me?” I asked softly again, afraid that I would scare him with such an open-ended question._

_“What? Lizzie, what are you talking about?” Darcy exclaimed, pausing the movie._

_I shrunk back into the couch, no longer cuddled into his shoulder. I set my plate down,_

_“I was just thinking about how Annie is in love with Sam even though she’s already engaged and I’d hoped that you had never kept anything so major from me” I explained sheepishly._

_Darcy, without missing a beat, replied,_

_“No, Lizzie, I never have and I never will keep anything of that nature or extent from you. And, if I do, it is for a good reason and will be sufficiently temporary”_

_My smile grew and I leaned into his shoulder again, placing my empty plate on the coffee table. I nestled my head into the crook of his shoulder as he wrapped my hand around mine; I grabbed the remote and pressed play._

_A few seconds after the movie started again his voice broke through the dialogue,_

_“How about you?” He asked._

_It took me a moment to register what he was asking about, and once I did I paused the movie and leaned back again. I couldn’t think of anything major other than my initial affection that I’d kept from him over a year ago. Wracking my mind I sat there, trying to think back through the two years I’d known him._

_Suddenly, it popped into my mind. I sat up quickly, feeling nerves overcome my body. There was something._

_“Lizzie? What’s wrong?” Darcy asked, concerned; he set his plate down on the table and rested his hand on my shoulder, I jumped._

_“Lizzie, talk to me, what’s going on?” Darcy furthered, his voice laced with even more concern._

_“There **is** something,” I said quietly._

_“What?” He asked._

_I turned to him and looked down at my hands in my lap, he took them in his own._

_“There is something I kept from you,” I said again._

_“Oh, Lizzie, it can’t be so major that it’s going to change anything, now is it?” He asked._

_“P-Possibly...” I stuttered._

_“Lizzie, what is it?” He asked, getting more worried._

_I looked down again and took a deep breath,_

_“Do you remember before everything, the letter you wrote to me outlining your affections?”_

_Darcy’s hands tensed,_

_“Yes,” He said tersely, “What about it?”_

_I took another deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut._

_“I didn’t destroy it like you asked me to, I kept it instead”_

_Darcy let go of my hands and placed them on his own knees, moving a bit away from me on the couch._

_After a few moments of silence, I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood up and walked to the spare bedroom, feeling his eyes follow me there. I went into the closet in the room and fished around in a bin on the top shelf. There, I found precisely what I was looking for: my old journal. Clutching the worn, old, faux leather book to my chest I made my way back to the living room where Darcy was still sitting frozen on the couch and Annie was mirroring his stance frozen on the screen._

_I sat down slowly, returning to my place next to him on the couch. Resting the journal in my hands and opening it to a page where the spine had been broken, I removed the yellowing envelope with a broken wax seal._

_I fumbled with it in my hands for a moment before taking a deep breath and beginning._

_“I couldn’t destroy it, it was too integral of a part of our story,” I said slowly, afraid of his reaction._

_He was still tense, and I could see his jaw clenching and unclenching methodically._

_“Darc-“_

_“I asked you to destroy it, Lizzie” William said loudly, his voice having risen significantly from before._

_“William-“_

_“I poured my heart out in that letter at a time at which my feelings were not reciprocated. There are things in that letter that I do not wish to re-live nor give a chance to be seen by anyone other than you. Having refused my request to destroy it, you have both betrayed my trust and disappointed me in our relationship, Lizzie”_

_“William-“ I tried again, my voice breaking_

_“No, Lizzie, I trusted you, and you broke that”_

_“William, it’s just a letter-“_

_“No, Lizzie, it’s not,” And with that he stood up and walked back to our bedroom. I was left there, holding both the letter and my journal, alone and feeling nothing but regret._

_***_

_The next morning, William left early for work without a word to me. The bed was empty before I woke up, and the house emptier. Upon realizing this, I called into work and told my secretary that I’d be working from home that day. After that, I made another phone call to the only person geographically near me that could understand my situation perfectly: Lydia._

_***_

_“You and darceface are made for each other, Lizzie. This is just a little bump in the road; he’ll come around soon enough”_

_I shifted on Lydia’s couch, cradling the pint of blood orange sorbet that she’d given me as if I were recovering from a high school breakup._

_“It’s not his fault, though, it’s mine,” I said, somberly._

_I saw Lydia’s expression change out of the corner of my eye. She set her own spoon and ice cream down before taking mine from my hands and laying her head on my shoulder._

_“Lizzie, yes, you are my dorky older sister, and yes you’ve messed up many times before, but I love you and I’m telling you this because of that: this is not the biggest mess up you’ve had nor will it be. You may have fault in this one, but so does Darcy, therefore you should not be wallowing in all of this self-pity for any longer than it takes to eat a pint of ice cream. You’ll apologize as will he, which he will by the way, and things will work out just fine.”_

_I smiled softly and hugged her closer,_

_“When did my baby sister get so grown up?” I asked_

_She leaned into my shoulder,_

_“About the same time you did, it just took a while for both of us to notice”_

_***_

_The rest of the day was spent cooking William’s favorite dinner and preparing my apology. By the time he unlocked the door and walked into the condo, I’d probably rehearsed it eighty times._

_“William, I am so sorry” I began to say, walking up to him as he hung his coat on the hook and placed his briefcase beneath it._

_“Lizzie, don’t apologize, right now that is my responsibility” He said, cutting me off._

_“I overreacted, and I apologize. I should never have yelled at you like that. I understand why you kept the letter, it was a turning point in our relationship and played a large part in the final product” He said, gesturing to the two of us._

_“I was upset because I was embarrassed when I wrote the letter and the shame had yet to leave until now; I no longer have regrets about my actions with the letter, instead how I reacted about it”_

_“William,” I started again, “I accept your apology, but it’s not necessary. I really shouldn’t have kept the letter. While it was important to me at one point, I was keeping it for the wrong reasons. I thought that by keeping it I was keeping our relationship’s foundation sturdy, when really the important moments weren’t the ones written on paper, the ones keeping our relationship together are the ones we can remember without having had to write them down. I talked to Lydia, and she and I agreed that we both needed to stop hanging onto the past. She had kept some letters from Wickham that were haunting her so she took those and your letter and destroyed them all. Not just because you wanted such, but because I realized that I did too.”_

_There was a long silence between us while my words sunk heavily into the air. I began worrying that I had said the wrong thing before William reassured me,_

_“Lizzie, I do not know what to say other than to express my absolute gratitude for having you in my life. Your explanation was, if I do say so myself, illuminating.” He said with a signature Darcy smirk._

_I felt a grin take over my face as he pulled me in towards him by my waist._

_“I love you, for you, and our relationship for what it is and not it’s shortcomings” He said._

_“I love you too.” I said, pulling him down for a kiss._

_A struggle it may have been, but illuminating all the same._  
  


**Author's Note:**

> First LBD fic that I've posted, please be gentle! Enjoy, and let me know what you think!


End file.
